This is probably not the last time I’ll say this: The decisions I’ve made as a mom are NOT a judgement on the decisions you’ve made as a mom. Every motherhood journey is as unique as the mother that’s taking it. So who am I to tell anyone their doing it wrong?
From the moment my son was born, actually well before he was every born, I was struck by the sheer number of decisions I had to make. Bank cord blood? Circumcise him? Choose a doctor? Have optional genetic testing? Choose a name? Natural childbirth or drugs? The list goes on and on. Many huge decisions, many minor, but all decisions nonetheless. And, who the f*** was I to make these decisions? I had no training, no experience, no confidence whatsoever.
I remember this feeling that with every decision there was an added weight that I was totaling screwing this up. Breast feed or bottle feed? Stay home or work? Daycare or nanny? Sleep train or co sleep? Some things I felt passionately about, others I had no idea. But even those I was passionate about, why? Was I just being selfish? I did copious research on EVERYTHING! But, the problem is that since there are an infinite number of ways to do this parenting thing, there’s research to support and decry every single gosh darn choice! My research just confused me more.
So I ditched the books and opted to learn from the women around me. My sister was like a life raft…an experienced mom full of wisdom, support and no judgement. She told me about her choices, why they worked for her or didn’t, and never judged me. I didn’t mirror her parenting style, I did some things very differently and others exactly the same. We share the same values, but we’re different people. So, the choices we’ve made are different.
Eventually she helped me realize that as long as at the end of the day, my baby knew I loved him, then I was doing it right for us.
And that helped give me the confidence to worry less about what others were doing, or what they thought about my decisions, and focus more on understanding what my family needs. I’m not an expert on being a mom, but I am an expert on being Nathan & Lottie’s mom.