Will You Be My Friend?

Is it just me, or is making friends as an adult a super awkward process? If not for my husband and kids, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t stand a chance.

I’m a total introvert, and I’ve never been very good at, or frankly, very interested in seeking out new friends. I’m pretty sure I suffer from resting bitch face when in public. I remember being at a bar in college and a guy saying something along the lines of, “What’s the matter? You look like you don’t want anyone to talk to you.” To which I said, “you’re very perceptive” and walked away. I’m guessing he never used that line again. Honestly, it’s a miracle I ever met anyone.

I don’t think I’m an asshole, at least not all the time, I just am absolutely no good at small talk. It makes me so uncomfortable. My knowledge of current events, music, etc. leaves a lot to be desired. And my “comedic” timing isn’t generally on the mark. I’m much better at deep meaningful conversations that last into the wee hours. And, it’s hard to have those in the stands of a little league game, or when you run into a neighbor while you grab the paper. I think that’s why this adult friends thing has been hard.

Thankfully I married an extrovert. And, he knows everyone. Literally remembers ever name, is great at small talk, the hilarious life of the party. I feel like between him and the kids, I’m at least thrust into situations where I have no choice but to try to work past the acquaintance phase into being friends. We’ve met some awesome people, and been able to build a really great community.

I’m glad Craig and the kids have afforded me the opportunity to really get to know some new people. But, I still get sick to my stomach about the social events that involve more than one or two other couples, or, worse yet, the ones Craig and the kids aren’t invited to, the women-only events. I still can’t bring myself to walk into a room full of women I don’t know and socialize. I need my buffer (Craig) and my exit strategy (the kids).

And, when that fails, I’ve decided to go with blunt honesty in social situations, “I’m totally antisocial, I drink a lot and I curse like a sailor. So, there’s that.” I figure it’ll all come out at some point, and I’m too old for the wooing phase. So, wanna do this or not?

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5 thoughts on “Will You Be My Friend?

  1. I’m the introvert (masquerading as an extrovert) and my husband is the extrovert (never masquerading as anyone) so I totally get it! Making friends is so hard! But then sometimes I don’t want friends because I want to stay home and not talk to anyone.

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  2. Oh, wow, this is me exactly. I read something recently about how large social gatherings and small talk are actually draining to introverts whereas meaningful conversations with a small group or doing something creative is energizing. Although now that I work from home, sometimes I just want to talk to another adult and have been know to strike up conversations with random strangers in the grocery store…

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    1. If you haven’t already, you should check out the book Quiet by Susan Cain, a super interesting read about introverts. Definitely speaks to the need to recharge through quiet time.

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  3. Hey, this is exactly me – except for the drinking because I don’t like booze. But I married and extrovert, my kids are extroverts. I’m an introvert. I despise work events, even with my own staff ;/…I’ve had to learn to suck it up. Oyyyy.
    I think you and I would get along ;)…so yes, I’ll be your friend…if we just lived a little closer..

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